How to Last Longer During Sex: What to Do Before and During Sex

For many men, lasting longer during sex isn’t simply about having more willpower. There are many factors that can influence when ejaculation happens. If it happens too quickly, you can feel as though you’ve cut short a good time and potentially disappointed your partner.

If you regularly cum too soon, then I’m here to help. Here I’m going to look at what you can do before you even get to the bedroom, and what you can do in the moment. By the end, you’ll have some practical strategies to help you have better sex.

What You Can Do in Preparation

1. Get comfortable with your arousal level

One of the biggest mistakes men make is treating ejaculation as something that happens suddenly. In reality, arousal usually builds progressively and you can feel it arriving. During masturbation, pay attention to how your body feels as you become increasingly excited.

Notice changes such as faster breathing, increased muscle tension and the sensation that ejaculation is becoming increasingly difficult to stop. The point here is that you’ll better identify when you need to slow down during sex rather than realizing too late.

2. Practise the stop-start technique

Stop-start training is one of the simplest ways to develop better control. You can easily do this during masturbation. You get up to the point where you feel you’re approaching ejaculation and then stop. Allow your arousal to slowly decreases before starting again.

You can then repeat this several times before you eventually allow yourself to finish. This will give you greater control over the sensations you are feeling and give you practice as being able to prolong sex while still feeling in control.

3. Strengthen your pelvic floor

The pelvic-floor muscles play an important role in ejaculation and sexual function. These are the muscles that you’ll hold if you want to stop peeing yourself. All you need to do is tighten these muscles, hold it for a few seconds, and then release them.

It will be able to give you better control over these muscles and delay the reflex that happens during ejaculation. Essentially, you can take control over when you pee and apply that to when you ejaculate. Do these exercises a few times a day and you should start to see a difference.

4. Reduce performance anxiety

Anxiety can become part of a frustrating cycle. As soon as you start overthinking a problem, it only gets worse. It’s important to try and take the pressure off before you have sex. It doesn’t need to be a test of endurance and you can still have a lot of fun even if the penetration itself doesn’t last long.

It can be difficult depending on relationship dynamics, but it’s also useful to speak to your partner. They can help reduce that anxiety by understanding when you need to slow down, looking at other sex acts, or simply telling you that it’s okay.

5. Experiment with masturbation timing

A lot of men, me included, find that masturbating before sex makes it easier to last longer. It helps to lower your overall arousal and reduces the intensity if your sexual sensitivity. You have to be careful about the timing, as you don’t want it to be too soon.

If you do it too soon, then it can reduce your desire and find it harder to maintain an erection. I’ve found around 45 minutes before is usually a good spot. It you are experimenting with this, it’s best to leave the gap between masturbation and sex a little longer due to the potential for the problems above. If it’s not quite working as you hoped, you can reduce the gap.

What You Can Do in the Moment

1. Don’t rush

One of the simplest strategies is also one of the most effective: just slow down. If you know you’re prone to ejaculating quickly, maintaining a very high level of stimulation from the beginning can take you rapidly towards the point of no return.

Instead, vary the pace and intensity. Periodically slowing things down gives your arousal a chance to settle while keeping the experience enjoyable. Your partner will probably appreciate you taking a moment to enjoy the intimacy of the moment.

2. Use the stop-start method during sex

The same principle used during masturbation can be applied with a partner. Instead of slowing down, stop your own pleasure immediately. Take a few slow breaths and allow your arousal to come down before continuing.

This doesn’t have to feel like an interruption. A change of pace, kissing, talking, touching or simply taking a short pause can all be natural parts of sex. The important thing is to act before you’re at the point where ejaculation is inevitable.

3. Change positions or activities

Different sexual positions and activities can produce very different levels of stimulation. I’ve found out that when my partner’s on top I find arousal to be very high. It can also be difficult to make the adjustments that we’ve just looked at above.

If you know a particular position makes you reach ejaculation quickly, don’t necessarily stay there until you’re struggling to maintain control. Change position or switch to another form of intimacy when your arousal becomes too intense.

4. Use condoms if sensitivity is an issue

Condoms reduce physical sensation for some men, which can make them useful when excessive sensitivity contributes to rapid ejaculation. Thicker condoms may provide a greater reduction in sensation than very thin varieties. Some condoms are also specifically designed to reduce sensitivity.

If you use any product containing a local anesthetic, follow the instructions carefully and make sure it is appropriate for sexual use. Also be mindful of passing on that anesthetic on to your partner if you take the condom off. You don’t want to numb her mouth, for example!

When to Get Professional Help

If you feel there is a reason that you may be ejaculating sooner, you don’t have to put up with it. There may be an underlying issue, such as medication, that could be contributing to the delay. It may also be that counselling may help with a general anxiety that you have.

However, the best approach is to combine preparation with awareness in the moment: practice recognising your arousal, develop better control, reduce unnecessary anxiety, slow things down when necessary and stop treating sex as an endurance competition.